I have read a lot lately about doubt and true believers. John Cornwell recalled the following episode about Graham Greene and faith in his article in the Guardian on Doubt and faith to make the point that Dawkins, Hitchens and others are wrong about religion and its absoluteness:
Not long before his death in 1991, I was sent by a newspaper to Antibes in the south of France to quiz Graham Greene about his religious beliefs. His faith, on the surface, seemed to be a mix of superstition, guilt and scepticism, spiced with Catholic orthodoxy. He thought it only natural to hope for an afterlife, but heaven sounded boring and hell implausible "because God is supposed to be infinitely merciful". And he admitted to uttering a prayer whenever his plane came in to land. He said he had met John Paul II, whom he thought an unpleasant dogmatist, in his dreams: "Instead of dispensing communion wafers he was giving out ornate Italian chocolates."
So which central doctrine, I asked Greene, enabled him to describe himself as a Christian? He said that he started writing fiction while working as a reporter on a provincial newspaper. So he felt he had an intuition, "as good as any Glaswegian chief sub-editor", to distinguish between fact and fiction. When he read the story in John's gospel of the two disciples racing each other to the empty tomb after Christ's body had disappeared, he felt that it was "authentic reportage". It was this, he went on, that "enabled me to doubt my doubt about the resurrection". Doubt my doubt! […]
As someone who had wavered between agnosticism and atheism for two decades, before having returned queasily to Christianity, I empathised with Greene's faith as "doubt of doubt" as opposed to faith as certitude. Faith is a journey without arrival, complicated by false turns, breakdowns, dead ends and wheel-changes. Faith, like love, is seldom entirely constant; nor is it irrevocable. While frequently assailed by doubt, faith is open to provisional, symbolic interpretations (most Christians outside the American bible belt do not take the book of Genesis literally). Those who pursue a religious vocation are not spared vicissitudes of faith and doubt, any more than card-carrying atheists. Mother Teresa, the Albanian nun who worked for the poor in Calcutta, left letters in which she spoke of her doubts right up to her death: "Where is my faith?" she once wrote to a confidant. "Even deep down ... there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. If there be a God - please forgive me." By the same token, Professor AJ Ayer, the most ardent atheist of his day, proclaimed that he believed in an afterlife following a near-death experience in 1988 when he was clinically dead for four minutes. After a few days, and an outcry from the atheists' society, of which he was the president, he partially recanted: "What I should have said is that my experiences have weakened, not my belief that there is no life after death, but my attitude towards that belief." Doubt of doubt.
On Point had a good show on Mother Teresa and her battle with her own doubt, which lasted more than fifty years. The question, which I was forced to ask myself, is whether doubting is forbidden for true believers. That took me back to the issue of the nature of religion and to my conviction that it ought to be a private matter and that proselytizing should stop be for true believers an obligation motivated by the belief that non believers will die in hell or that God wants them to save the world. To come back to Mother Teresa, I do not doubt that she was a great person and that her doubt in fact makes her more human than saintly. That is the problem for religion, Catholicism especially, needs saints in order to reassure itself that it is right about human frailty and the ability to overcome it with the help of God. If saints are humans, have faults, and more importantly doubt then it must mean that God isn’t the answer and that as Camus said alone once we realize that we must rebel against the way things are. Isn’t that what Mother Teresa did, but tirelessly refusing to believe that the poor and the sick of Calcutta deserved their fate? At the end it all comes back to the myth of Sisyphus and to what we choose to believe when the rock that we spent a tremendous amount of effort and of blood to punch on top of the mountain, come back down pitilessly while we look at it thinking with tears in our eyes about the time we spent to get it up. At that moment, the question isn’t whether to continue, but whether we make the decision to believe that the human condition is vile and unsatisfactory in itself and that we must therefore look for something more, for something divine. The other alternative is to choose rebellion by refusing to aspire to be Gods to accept to be humans. At the end, Jesus became for Mother Teresa a man not a God and that it was that which helped to survive, because she understood that she was alone and that all she could do is to be a woman of action.